As I sit down to begin Christmas shopping for my children, my heart is filled with an overwhelming mixture of pride, gratitude, and reflection. This year has been one of the most transformative years of my life, a year marked by immense growth, resilience, and the kind of empowerment that only comes from facing life’s darkest shadows and emerging victorious. As I wrap my head around the sheer magnitude of how far we’ve come, I realize that this holiday season is about far more than the gifts under the tree. The true gift is the life my children and I have built together—a life filled with peace, stability, and the kind of joy you can’t put a price tag on.
This year, 2023, marked my first full year of being completely FREE—free from the chains of toxic relationships, financial bondage, and the haunting shadows of my past. It was a year that tested me in ways I didn’t think I could endure, but it was also a year that revealed a level of strength, grit, and brilliance within me that I didn’t fully know I possessed. When I think about the life I’ve created for myself and my children, I can’t help but feel an immense sense of pride. I did this. I rose above. I built something stable, something safe, something whole—all while juggling the many challenges of being a single mother to four incredible kids.
But let me take you back a couple years, to a time when a better level of freedom had been decided but not totally actualized. I feel like I had beat the “bowser level” of my life and made it to an incredible new height…..and I did! But the past few years still showed me that I had new levels to trudge through in my life. For example, although I had finally gotten far away from the worst form of abuse and seemingly closed that door, I got into a new relationship. And in this relationship, I actually told the world it was THE BEST EVER! Aaaand in so many ways, IT WAS. But sadly during those years, I STILL lived in a state of survival, tethered to a partner who still turned out to be toxic in a more unassuming way. I found myself trying so hard to give my all and make it work with a man who eventually drained me financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I lost a child in utero with him that I still mourn from time to time. During that physical and emotional hardship...he showed me his absolute worst. You can tell a LOT about a man when you are pregnant with and/or have his child. Although I am heartbroken that I never got to hold my sweet baby, Wren, I am also grateful that the Universe spared my baby from a father that would not have loved it and only pretended to love me for his own survival. 💔
The more comfortable he got with me and MY home, he found subtle ways to sabotage my progress at every turn, eventually leaving me in a vulnerable position and forcing me to pick up the pieces while still trying to parent and provide for my children. At the time, I thought I couldn’t do it without him. I thought I needed him. But the truth was, he was nothing more than the best of a bad crop—a distraction that I had mistaken for a partner. He wound up revealing himself as only a parasite that was passing through until it found a new host. When he finally walked out, leaving me and my children to fend for ourselves, I was forced to confront the depths of my own resilience. And guess what? ✨
I rose! I rose above it all!
This year, I experienced so many wins that came at such a high cost. Wins that pushed me into a deeper level of facing my past trauma, my residual toxic habits, and even the generational curses that had followed me for so long. I’ve spent so much of my life fighting familiar demons, wrestling with the weight of everything I’ve endured, and trying to unlearn the toxic behaviors I picked up as a result of surviving a toxic life. But this year, something shifted. I stood up to those demons. I named them! I renounced them! And in doing so, I reclaimed my power in ways that feel almost unimaginable. Oh my God! I FEEL LIKE A GLADIATOR!
But this year...I stood up to those demons. I named them! I renounced them!
One of the most profound lessons I already knew but I FULLY embraced this year is that my confidence, my worth, and my sense of personal agency are not negotiable! And that goes for ANYBODY. I was still willing to compromise my strongest boundaries for those that I loved the most...'my man' some family members, and some friends that I had such a long history with. For so long, these things were stripped away from me by some of these same people. Some of these people only tried to keep close ties to me because at best, they felt comfortable with who I used to be and at worst they sought to continue to control and diminish me. These actions may not have always been driven by ill intentions, however none of that is my concern. The outcomes their actions have on my life are whats of most importance to me. I get to control that. Sometimes you can share a deep mutual love with some people but NOT Mutual RESPECT. I was still willing to be ok with that for a while, but not anymore. This year, I stepped into my full power, and I’ve never felt more alive, more capable, or more certain of my ability to create a beautiful life for myself and my children. I’ve built a home that is peaceful, cohesive, and stable—a home where my children feel safe, loved, and supported.
This Isn't Just A House. IT'S A SANCTUARY! It’s a place where we can all thrive.
As I sit here writing this, I’m reminded of a moment from earlier this holiday season. My children and I were sitting around the dinner table, laughing and sharing stories about our last vacation. We were supporting my oldest daughter, KK, who was on NBC and performed in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! It was a simple moment, just my babies and I having a quiet meal. It was ONLY us. Alone and reflecting. We reflected on the overwhelming sense of peace in that moment. I acknowledged and thanked the Universe for the fact that this year we experienced more of those moments than in years past. I realized that We Were No Longer Just Living In Survival Mode. We Were Living. TRULY LIVING. And that, more than anything, is the gift I’ve worked so hard to give my children. A life where they don’t have to walk on eggshells. A life where they are safe to dream, explore, express themselves and grow without fear.
A life that doesn’t feel like something we need to escape from but rather something we celebrate every single day.
Of course, this year hasn’t been without its challenges. I’m still in court, fighting to protect my children’s peace and safety from a former abuser who continues to try to pry his way back into our lives. His attempts to disrupt the thriving life we’ve built are a constant reminder of how far we’ve come and how much is at stake. But I’m not fighting this battle alone. I’m incredibly grateful for the legal counsel, the support systems, and the sheer determination that have allowed me to stand firm in this fight. I’m determined to lay that chapter to rest once and for all and to ensure that my children’s futures are as bright and unencumbered as they deserve to be!
As I look ahead to Christmas morning, I’m filled with so much gratitude. Not just for the gifts under the tree but for the gift of this life we’ve built together. When I think about what’s on my children’s wish lists this year, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction knowing that I’ve already checked off the most important items on MY life list. Peace. Stability. Freedom. These are the things I’ve worked so hard to achieve, and they are the greatest gifts I could ever give to my children or myself.
This Christmas, I’m celebrating more than just the holiday season. I’m celebrating the end of a year that has challenged me, changed me, and ultimately empowered me in ways I never thought possible. I’m celebrating the resilience that has carried me through every obstacle, the courage that has allowed me to face my fears, and the love that has guided me every step of the way. I’m celebrating a life that feels full, whole, and undeniably mine.
To anyone reading this, especially to the single mothers, the survivors, and the women who feel like they’re carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders: You are capable of more than you know. You have the power to create a life that is beautiful, stable, and free. Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep believing in yourself. Because the greatest gift you can give to yourself and your children is the gift of a life well-lived.
Merry Christmas, from my family to yours. ❤️ KK, Kaiden, Maddy, Lawson and I
💜💝💖💞🩵👼🏾 and a special candle 🕯️ in memory of Wren… my sweet angel baby that I will one day hold.
PS- Success is not a one personal job. I have to pause and give a special thanks for those who play such a vital role in my family's life and show up in both words and deed day in and out. I am immensely grateful for: Rolando, Charelle, Kesci, Jen, Kim, Circle Of Love Prayer Group, Mel, OM and AD, Madyson, Sally, Kellie, LaLa and NaTasha!
PSS- A very special thank you to Big Brothers Big Sisters of Coastal and Southern New Jersey, Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, Macy's and Sabastian Yatra!
This is an uplifting read! I commend you for your accomplishments and for embracing new dimensions of freedom, joy, peace, divine grace, and security.
— NaTasha